Wednesday, October 20, 2010

A Big Bowl of Assorted Candy

I must begin by offering a heartfelt thank you to Lola Sharp and Sierra Godfrey, two fine, sexy ladies who graciously pimped last week's query post so convincingly that now I have many lovely new followers as a result. Someday I will take you both to Vegas and shower you with Cristal.

New followers, by the way, will receive the official “A Rock in My Pocket” Welcome Pack, which includes this 100 % polyester dickey (pictured left), a 7-day supply of Proactiv solution and a coupon for $10 off your next bail bond. All delivered COD in 6-8 weeks.

I must admit this post is a bit of a punt, because I’m planning a big anniversary post next week to celebrate my first year as a blogger. Hence the mish-mash of topics you will encounter, like…

  • There is way, way, waaaaaay too much gratuitous use of AC/DC music lately. I’m thinking in particular of this new Will Ferrell/Tina Fey movie, Megamind. I mean, I love me some AC/DC. I think Back in Black was the first album I purchased with my own money. Nothing made your old man freak like the lyrics to Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap or Big Balls. But if you’d told me that Highway to Hell would someday be prominently featured as a kid’s movie theme, I’d have said, no way, man. But there it is. And so completes the warm- fuzzification of another hard rocking band from my youth. Some of you young’uns out there, you’ll see what I mean in another fifteen years when advertisers are using Pearl Jam to sell Pampers and Smells Like Teen Spirit is the background music on a Geico commercial.

  • I now present what passes for a PSA on my blog: I encourage you, if you haven’t done so already, to begin your chocolate inoculations this week. What is this you ask? In years past, I have valiantly resisted the call of the mini-candy bars only to succumb on Halloween night and stick my head into a big bowl of candy like a pig at a trough. Now what I do is eat two of those "fun size" chocolate bars each day until Halloween, thus putting small, prophylactic quantities of chocolate into my system. This provides me protection against Halloween gluttony. It works. Kind of.

  • Honestly, how much stuff do Harry & David think I’m going to buy from them? I bought one gift from them last year and yet they’ve send me umpty-seven catalogues with pictures of their fruit of the month club. Well, let me tell you something, Messrs. Harry & David, I’m pleased to say that I don’t have any doddering, infirm aunties in a nursing home nor do I know anyone else to whom I would send a box of fancy pink pears or Indonesian kumquats. (I have no idea where kumquats actually come from, but whatever.) If anyone ever sent me that fruit of the month thing, I think I’d put my foot through the box and send those squashed blood oranges back to the gift giver along with a note that said, “Seriously? Fruit?” So if that was on your list for my Christmas present this year, strike it off.

Until next week’s blog-o-versary post, fair writer friends….