Monday, February 8, 2010

Donner, Party of Five

Not surprisingly, the epic snow storm of the past few days has turned my thoughts to cannibalism.

Would I? Wouldn’t I? If I did, which part would I eat first? No, never that bit. Ew. Leave that for the dog to munch on.

Oh, come on! I’m just kidding, people! Sheesh. You anti-cannibalists have no sense of humor.

Things haven’t gotten to that stage yet, but they just might once the Blizzard of 2010, Part 9, moves through the area tomorrow. The grocery stores are still pretty well stocked. At the moment. I just returned from a snowy hike over to Whole Foods, and I was pleased to find that the organic salsa was still flowing freely, and their selection of goat cheeses were just as plentiful as ever. Thank GOD. But that could change in a heartbeat. That’s where that old saying comes from, after all: “Don’t count your goat cheese before the storm.”

And speaking of food, this morning, me, the hubs, and the kids were returning on foot from our eighth sledding trip of the week when we ran into that guy from the Discovery Health Channel, Nathan Lyon. He’s got his own cooking show. It’s all wholesome and stuff so I don’t watch it that much, even considering my cooking show addiction. I knew his parents lived nearby because one day I passed this house, and there was a huge banner on the porch advertising “A Lyon in the Kitchen.” I figured the guy who lived there was either the biggest fanboy ever or, you know, just a proud dad.

Anyway, the young Mr. Lyon was shoveling his dad’s car out – very nice of him -- and so we asked him for some recipe advice: “So what can I do with three scallions, a cup of snow, and a jar of mustard? ‘Cause that’s all we got in the kitchen at the moment.”

He said maybe he should do a blizzard-themed show on how to cook squirrel with a Bic lighter. Ha. I may have to start watching his show more often. Of course, you have to catch the squirrel first. There’s the tricky part. City folk aren’t as wily as some of the people I knew growing up. Do remind me to tell you the story of my summer job working in a factory and how, during break time, several people sitting around the table were discussing eating squirrel as kids. Yeah. That snapped me right out of my snotty, adolescent mood, I’ll tell you that much.

Seriously though, enough with the snow. We’re up to our bollocks in snow, and I don’t even have any bollocks. I do have Brooklyn Black Chocolate Stout, however, and I will use it. Some of you may recall some foolishness on my part, about swearing off it because one of its side effects is cellulite. But these are dark times. Dark, snowy times. And dark times call for dark beer. If you quote that, do remember to give me credit. Please. Or else I might eat you.